honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
