I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
