Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
