Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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