her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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