I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
