I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
