Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
