My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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