you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
