it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
