Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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