There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
