Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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