I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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