When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
