i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
