Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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