Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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