you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
