It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
