batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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