pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
