For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
