You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
