Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How naked do you want me to be?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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