Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
