when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ugly people sure do ruin things
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
