you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Randomize
