He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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