HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
