Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
