You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
