It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
