Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
