My nipple is on Facebook.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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