sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
