In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
