Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
