You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
