No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
