Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
