i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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