I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
