I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
