i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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