they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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