he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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