I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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