Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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