is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
