I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
this hospital has no fireball
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
