I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
